“Go home, barstool, you’re drunk” John says, tripping over his seat. The producer’s ears prick up. “YOU SIR!”

Smash cut to a ten years later, “Go home, you’re drunk” is ABC’s most popular TV comedy having run for ten years. John sees an inanimate object and howls “Go home, you’re drunk!” at it. The audience burst into hysterics. A belligerent John, sick of the same catchphrase 111 times an episode turns to them…

“GO HOME AUDIENCE, YOU’RE DRUNK!” he had said. They had turned instantly, a fury glazing over their eyes. They had thrown their “Go Home, You’re Drunk” souvenir tankards at him, lacerating his face until it resembled minced beef. Crowds had torn his arm off as he left the studio. It haunts his dreams. “GO HOME, YOU’RE DRUNK: GO HOME YOUR DRUNK STAR GOES HOME, DRUNK“ hilariously headlines the story in the trades. He drains another whiskey. He had it all: money, celebrity, potatoes. A rat scuttles over his hand. “Ugh, KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!” he shouts.

The producer’s ears prick up… “YOU SIR!”

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